Day 39: Being Good Guests During Lent - Καλοί Μουσαφίρηδες Κατά την Διάρκεια της Σαρακοστής - April 10, 2014

This icon by the Russian iconographer St. Andrey Rublev (created sometime between 1408 and 1425) shows Abraham hosting the three angels at Mambré.

Last week, we visited some cousins.  This, in itself, is not that unusual, nor is it exciting for anyone reading this.  But, there is more to this entry than just that.  When we were invited, we scheduled our time together so we could have dinner together and then an evening of visiting, games, and some time together.  It is a typical evening together with cousins, so we didn't really think too much beyond going to see them and enjoying the company of family.  We never discussed fasting before our visit because these were cousins who practice Orthodoxy, so we thought that Lenten foods were a given.  They were not.  We were offered a lovely meal that had been made with love, but it was not Lenten.  What to do?

We follow the strict fast, allowing for olive oil and wine on weekends.  We know that many of our recipes call for oil, and you can use whatever oil you like, or with some of the recipes, you can omit the oil completely.  But, even if there was wine and oil, what happens when the host for your dinner invitation serves fish, because they do not think fish is prohibited during Lent?  There was no conversation before dinner to know that we are not eating any meat or fish, and it never occurred to us that they may not be fasting at all.  Is the right approach to not say anything or to speak up and state that you are fasting and cannot eat this?

So, we are now faced with a dilemma.  It seems to be a problem because we don't want to offend anyone, nor do we want to make ourselves un-invitable for half the year (since we fast about 180 days every year).  Do we speak up, or do we smile and eat a small bit of the non-Lenten foods?  Or, should we pick through the food being served, explaining to the host/hostess why you are not eating certain components.  Maybe it is best to eat what you are given and not say anything?

We often choose not to say anything.  Both of us were taught to be gracious guests.  That means that you enjoy what you are served, even if you don't like the food, you eat it regardless, say "thank you" to the host or hostess and enjoy the visit.  It is not polite to tell others that you do not like the things they are serving.  But, we know several people who are more verbal than we are.  These are the people who proclaim that they are fasting and cannot have the foods offered because the foods are not completely Lenten.  Those are the same people who will make you feel bad for them because they are "missing out" on something good.  There have been many times that we have had the conversation about fasting before accepting an invitation, but it did not happen this time.

The evening of March 25, we were served a lovely meal with Tsipoures (porgies), skordalia, rice, and bread.  It was appropriate for the day.  We all joked about  not having the traditional Bakaliaro (cod fish) with the skordalia as we picked through the bones of the Tsipoures, but ate fish none the less.  Then, we all started having a conversation about the special treat of having fish that day, since several of us were following a strict fast.  For those who were not, they explained that their health concerns may prevent them from fasting the traditional way.  Therefore, they follow different guidelines established through many conversations with their individual spiritual fathers.  For one, fish is a regular meal, but not on Wednesadays and Fridays.  Those days are kept for a bean/ legume based meal.  We have to wonder if they are doing the right thing because they spoke to their spiritual fathers, and should we discuss this with ours?

In the past, we have spoken casually with a few priests who have told us different things.  Many have said that we should keep the fast and just kindly explain that these foods are not permitted.  Yes, it seems like an issue for the host/hostess to prepare a different dish just for us, but we have to be true to who we are.  A couple of other priests have told us that it is more important to focus on the prayer than the food.  Does that mean that if we follow the dietary fast that we do not have to focus as much on the prayer?  With that, we disagree.  It is essential to our well-being, our happiness, and our overall health that prayer is a part of everything we do.  We do focus on our prayer daily, not just during Great Lent, as do many, but we also enjoy the aspect of fasting from the various foods.

Without having a definite answer, we chose to follow our hearts and spend our time with the family.   We had some fish, just a very small amount.  We were gracious guests and chose to not make anyone feel bad or feel guilty.  We know that we broke the fast for one meal, but that one action will not be the end of our fast, it will be a transitional point where we know that we need to focus more for the next couple of weeks and strongly ask for God to help us and forgive us.

In the practice of fasting, it is important to remember that we are not fasting simply for the sake of fasting.  Our observance of the fasting days and periods of the Church is for our spiritual growth and greater communion with God.  No matter how austere our fast may be with purely technical rules, it is void of faith and grace if we are not also committed to prayer and worship, study and growth in our knowledge of our Faith, and philanthropic and charitable acts.

From the Greek Orthodox Archdiocese of America's Faith and Life Series: Fasting in the Orthodox Church: 

"The primary aim of fasting is to make us conscious of our dependence upon God." Mary and Bishop Kallistos Ware

"In its most basic sense, fasting is abstinence from food. But it is far more than that. It helps us to open our minds and souls to the guidance of the Spirit and to break away from our captivity to boldly appetites and selfish desires. Through fasting we overcome the burdens and pressures of physical gratification that are placed upon us in our world, and through our faith in Christ we are renewed and transformed into the holy people God created us to be."